First, I decide to cook a nice rib dinner. I go to the co-op and they have two different kinds of beef ribs (I don't like pork) so I'm trying to figure out why one is expensive and one is cheap. Aren't all ribs the same? The butcher guy behind the counter asked me if I was finding what I was looking for. This would have been a good time to explain what I was looking for and get advice from someone who has a better understanding of meat. But I didn't want to appear like an idiot who had no idea what she was doing so I just said "Yes" and grabbed the cheaper of the two. I looked up how to cook them on the internet, followed the instructions appropriately and placed them in the oven to cook for about 3 hours. I had left over mashed potatoes I had cooked from the day before, so I set the oven timer to go off when I was supposed to put them in the oven to heat up (since we still do not have a microwave).
In the meantime, I decide to fix a mirror that had fallen apart during the move. Doing two things I've never done simultaneously is never a good idea. I get out some glue called "Gorilla Glue" in Joel's "Glue/Adhesive Box". Yes, he has an entire shoe-box devoted to glue and adhesives. This should have been my first clue that maybe I didn't know what I was doing, but I proceeded anyway. It took superman strength to squeeze out the glue, but I got enough gobs on the spots that I needed. The directions tell me to keep pressure on the glued areas for 4 hours. I didn't read that far before I started even though it's the next sentence. So I put the little bottle of the glue on the counter with the head hanging over the edge in case it had a drip on it (trying to protect my butcher block counter) and proceed to my next problem. The mirror is VERY heavy and large so I attempt to place it on the mantle above the fire place with the glued frame side down so there is some weight on the right side. This would have worked if it wasn't so heavy. I lost my grip and the frame comes apart again. I spend about 10 minutes fixing it and then hear the timer go off in the kitchen. Time to put the mashed potatoes in the oven.
When I get into the kitchen I realize that the glue had dripped onto the stainless steel drawers of the counter that I had placed it on. I try to rub it off with my finger nail, but it is already sticking so hard that I can't get it off. I try everything. Picking it with my nail, scrubbing it with a brush, dish soap, stainless steel cleaner, a different brush. Nothing works. So I decide to try to use oil. As I'm attempting that, I realize it's just spreading the glue around in a thinner layer which made it dry even faster. Then, I knock over the open bottle of oil that happens to spill all over the butcher block counter. Panicked, I clean that up as fast as I can since that is the one thing that will stain the butcher block (glue being the only thing that can stain "Stainless" steel, I might add). Of course I happen to get each on the wrong surface right after another.
By this time 1/2 hour has gone by and the potatoes were never placed into the oven. So I place them in right away, but the oven is set so low to slow cook the ribs that I know they won't be done in time. After doing this, I realize that the glue I had picked off with my fingers has glued my fingernail to the skin of my finger. That is a very irritating sensation. I pick at that as long as I can, and now everything is done and dinner is ready (except the mashed potatoes). So I take the potatoes out of the oven and remember that the pyrex dishes we got (that the potatoes were conveniently already in) said that they could take high heat, even the microwave. So I decide to place them on the stove top burner for just a bit to get them warm. Why dirty another dish, right? After about 1.5 minutes I hear what sounds like a gunshot right in front of me. The bottom of the very thick pyrex dish has shattered into a million pieces (see photo below). I figured the potatoes on the very top of the mound were still good. After all, I actually took the time to make gravy from scratch and I really wanted to enjoy that effort.
I leave the shattered glass and about 80% of the potatoes on the stove top to cool and hide it under a large piece of tin foil so Joel doesn't notice it. I call Joel up for dinner and we start to eat. I start with the potatoes, and suddenly hit something crunchy. I spit it out, and of course it's a piece of glass. I have to tell Joel what I had done so he doesn't eat the potatoes which lead to a slew of questions that started with "Why...". So I had to sit through the redundant explanation about how you can't put pyrex on an open flame. Irritated, I snap with "Yeah, I don't want to talk about it, obviously I know that NOW." Then, we start to eat the ribs and realize that they are literally 99% fat. Ick. So we get about 3 bites each of meat from the ribs, the potatoes were thrown out, and there was only about 1 Cup of corn left to split between us. Time for a bowl of cereal!
After cleanup I told Joel about the glue and he said "You should have just let it dry completely and then scrapped it off, that's the best way to get glue off of metal..." Yet another thing that would have been nice to know before I made a giant mess of everything.
Lessons learned from this experience:
1.) Not all ribs are the same
2.) Read all of the directions before you start
3.) Don't try to remove glue with oil
4.) Don't put glass or pyrex on an open flame
5.) Don't eat food that is near shattered glass no matter how good the gravy is
oh man, this is high comedy! i probably would have done the same thing with the pyrex dish, but now i've learned from your mistake!
ReplyDelete-caleb
I like the tin foil trick.
ReplyDelete